I am currently reading and discussing “Parenting by the Book” with some wonderful ladies. In the midst of the reading, all things PARENTING is on my mind. Rick and I have been charged with the responsibility of raising men and women who will passionately pursue a relationship with Christ and to tell others about a Man that knows everything about them… With this in mind, I have been pondering why some children “are the way they are”. You know the ones I’m talking about. They kick, hit, bite, spit, & scream. And that’s just to their parents! Lord knows how these precious angels are ALLOWED to treat others. (I’ll just say here that it will be a sad day in Memphis the moment one of mine decided to do me bodily harm…I digress) Why are they allowed to behave in such a way? I’ll let Bernie Mack answer: “We some punk a@@ parents!”
We are more concerned with our child’s self-esteem and feelings and allowing them to feel free to express themselves that we have sacrificed respect and general obedience. There is a time and place for esteem, feelings and self expression, but you the parent has to set the parameters/boundaries. I remember getting a LOOK from my parents and I knew that I was about to cross a boundary. A LOOK was all it took. My dad would say “This is not a democracy” or “Be very careful”. Nowadays, I am being advised to talk and understand why my child is acting unbecomingly (can’t say what I want to say). I do advocate knowing your child and taking into consideration the circumstances, but Rick and I have some non-negotiables. For example, Rick CAN NOT and WILL NOT deal with the open-mouth uncontrollable crying. He just can’t take it & neither can I. So, we have trained Jaxon that when we say “be quiet” that means it’s time for him to get control and if he continues he knows that we will assist him in getting control. We’re not the only family that I know that practices this. I was recently out of town with a family and when Jaxon and I were saying our goodbyes their son wanted to come with us. When he realized he wasn’t he began to weep. All parties involved took into consideration the fact that the poor child hadn’t seen a bed in HOURS and was running on fumes. Grace was given, but when his father told him to be quiet, guess what he did? The opposite of this is giving a child whatever they want in order to get them to be quiet. There’s a time and place for this as well. Ashlyn starts screaming while in the store, please believe the cheerios will be whipped out! She’s 8 months, I can tell her to be quiet all day and she’ll look at me like I’m crazy. I got of track, but another non-negotiable is disrespect and disobedience…automatic, age appropriate, discipline will be handed out.
What I am also learning is that I will NEVER stop being a parent. The type of parenting may change, but I will always be a parent. I finally watched “A Raisin in the Sun” yesterday and this one scene struck me. The mother, college-age daughter and daughter-in-law are talking in the living room and the subject moved to God and what God’s Will is for the daughter. Here’s the conversation:
Mother: Well of course you’re gonna be a doctor honey, God Will it.
Daughter: God doesn’t have a thing to do with it!
Mother: That wasn’t necessary
Daughter: Well neither is God. I’m sick of hearing about God! What does He have to do with anything? Does He pay tuition?
Mother: You bought to get your fresh little jaw slapped…
Daughter: Why? Why can’t I say what I want to around here like everyone else?
Mother: Because you weren’t brought up to talk that way! Me and your father made sure that you and your brother were brought up in the good christian way.
Daughter: Well, you and daddy were wrong. Ma, you just don’t understand. It’s all just a matter of ideas. And God is just one idea that I won’t accept. It;s not important. it’s not like I’m going to go out and be immoral…commit crimes, cause I don’t believe in God. I don’t even think about it. I just get so tired of Him getting all the credit for the things the human race achieved on its own stupid effort. There simply is no God. There’s only man and it’s he who makes miracles.
Mother: [SLAP] Now, you say after me…In my mothers house there is still God. IN MY MOTHERS HOUSE THERE IS STILL GOD!
Daughter: In my mothers house there is still God.
Mother: There’s some ideas we just aint gonna have in this house! Not long’s I’m head of this family.
Daughter: Yes ma’am.
Daughter-in-law to Daughter: You think you’re a grown woman, but you’re still a little girl. What you did was childish, so you got treated like a child.
I’ll save the “World View of God” discussion for another day, but this was powerful for me! It spoke of an unwavering standard of how a child is to address certain issues while STILL under the authority of their parents. I have never been allowed to speak crossly to my parents…I’m a grown woman and I still watch what I say and how I say it. Too many times have I seen children talking to their parents any old kind of way and nothing being said. I recently told my two year old that he needed to watch himself talking to me crazy (he gets frustrated when I can’t understand him, so he’ll start repeating what he’s saying louder and louder). I can work with you on the misunderstanding part, but you’re not going to yell at me. I think that’s where being a punk a@@ parent comes in…just letting your child govern how things are going to go. So I charge you, you be the parent! YOU be what God has called you to be and parent your child and stop allowing your child (and society) to parent you!!!
Like this:
Be the first to like this post.
He decided to strike a pose at the last minute!
She was so confused…I woke her up from her nap.
This is the best I could do…they wouldn’t cooperate (at the same time)
