IS IT THE WAY? An anniversary letter to my husband.

Dear Lovie,

About six or seven years ago I found myself at a point in my life where I was either going to be alright with being single or I was going to focus on what it really meant to be a wife. To that end, I wrote down a list of the attributes that I would like to see in a husband. I gave my mother and father a copy, and they committed to pray. Here is the list:

A heart and mind to do the Will of God
Integrity
Provider
Leader
Loves Jesus and puts Him first and above all else
Is not ashamed of sharing the Gospel
Is in tune with how I feel
Can communicate
Adores me
Has his life basically together
A close and intimate relationship with Jesus
A presence
Supporter
Matthew 6:33-34
First Samuel 1:9-11

On December 3, 2002, God brought me to you. June 26, 2004, we were wed and what a blessed day that was! Lovie, you have exceeded my desires for a husband. I praise God for you every day. I some times feel that I don’t deserve you. When I am at my worst…you love me. When I seem to loose my way…you gently guide me back to reality. You lead our family under the covering of God. I just love the way that you love me. You are an answer to prayer… I sometimes find myself waiting impatiently for you to return home, just so that I can see you or hear your voice.

I love the way you are with Jax. I love even more the way he adores you. Sometimes, when you leave, he’ll get his diaper bag and tell me bye-bye and head for the door and point and say ‘daddy’. It’s hard for me to explain to a 16 month old that he can’t go with you and you’ll be back after his afternoon nap. I can’t wait to see you with Ashlyn.

I’m at a loss for words to properly articulate the way that you make me feel. It could just be the way that you love me…

The Engagement

The Wedding

Happy 4th Anniversary Lovie! I am so happy that God has brought me to you. You are perfect for me…I couldn’t ask for a better husband, partner, or friend. I love you more than my heart can hold…

You Loving Wife

 

The BEST gift EVER!!!

As you well know, my birthday was June 20th.  Another piece of information for you is that I am 32 weeks pregnant (for all you “month” people…I am in my eighth month).  My husband surprised me by sending me to get a “Mother-to-Be” massage at Gould’s Day Spa. This was the BEST gift EVER!  Here is a description:

Mother-To-Be Massage

During pregnancy, a woman’s body undergoes many changes, some of them stressful and uncomfortable. Massage is the perfect way to reduce stress and promote general well being. Available after the first trimester.

If your wife is pregnant, I HIGHLY recommend that you do this for her.  Ask for Tracy…she is awesome.

Thanks Rick for once again being AWESOME!

 

31!

I AM A HUGE FAN OF BIRTHDAYS…PRIMARILY MINE. So last year, when I heard from many women that they had a really hard time turning 30, I was determined to embrace it and celebrate anyhow. But I soon found out that my BIG 30th Birthday was just going to be another day. This realization was kind of hard for me. The difficult part was that with this being my “monumental 30th birthday”, all the people (primarily family) that I really wanted to celebrate with were 5.5 hours away. But anywho, that was last year…and I did have a good birthday. This year, however, is a different story.

To me, turning 30 finally validated me as being an adult…even though my mother constantly says/does things to remind me that I am still her ‘child’. I am married, have a kid and now I am 30…ADULTHOOD! Life has been great. But on June 19th I realized that on the 20 I will be 9 years closer to 40! I am not doing too well with getting older gracefully. Yeah, I am meeting a personal goal of mine to be pregnant with my last child at 30 (Lord willing, this is my last child…), but I’m 31. Oh yeah, and it didn’t help that the day before, my silly mom decided to call me and remind me that it was my last day to be 30. I quickly reminded her to enjoy the last two years of her 50′s! Also, my dad calling to inform me that he had OLD children…WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? I digress…anywho

Besides my psychological turmoil, I had a WONDERFUL day. I got to “sleep in” (in quotes because my body is programed and the most I could stay in the bed was til 8am), had some personal time at the nail salon, ate lunch and saw a movie with my husband (by ourselves…no Jax!), and hung out with some GREAT friends! (Additional info about my bday gift from the hubby in another post…) All in all, it was a wonderful day.

What is the great spiritual implication that I have learned from this? Nothing really…just thought that I would update you on my fight with aging.

 

Final Words

I consider myself to have pretty good knowledge of my faults and shortcomings.  I know and embrace that I am a continuous work in progress.  One of my biggest issues is my ability to walk away from people who hurt me…I used to be able to do this without blinking an eye or having one convicting thought.  I was reminded of how far I have come during the Final Thoughts sermon two weeks ago.  A little background…

It is often stated of me that I am a loyal friend.  That statement is more appropriate now, than it did when I was younger.  During my preteen and teenage years, I was more concerned with doing whatever it took to keep the few friends that I had.  If that meant letting them run over me, use me, letting them think that I was something that I wasn’t, then so be it.  I was a pushover.  However, I wouldn’t have considered myself a people pleaser.  I didn’t aim to please everyone, just my few friends that I called close.

As I grew older, I began to shed the need to please my friends and found the value of having one or two people that I shared authentic life with.  These were people that knew me better than I thought my parents did.  One friend in particular was my right hand.  Where she was…I was.  Where I was…she was.  She knew things about me that no one else did.  My family loved her…her family loved me.  Inseparable!  I could keep going, but you get the picture.  Everything was bliss until one event, a deceiving associate, and some bitter words occurred.  I won’t go into details.  I cared less about the event.  I cared even less about the deceiving associate.  What hurt me the worst were the bitter words spoken.  The words that were spoken misrepresented my father and family life…and they were told behind my back to people that really didn’t know me.  When I confronted her, she didn’t deny it and she was actually blasé about it.  That was it.  I walked away from her and the friendship.  I was already living in another state, so that made it a lot easier.  However, what it did do was put me on a seven year path of destruction.  A permanent wall went up.  There was no climbing over it, walking around it, and you could forget about trying to break it down.  Yeah, I would be your friend, but we got no deeper than superficial.  And when someone tried to hurt me, I would politely explain to them where they were on my “Significance Level” by stating: If I walked away from a 14 year friendship, with no regrets, what makes you think that I won’t do the same with you?  HORRIBLE! I know, but that was where my childish mentality was.  The truth was, I did have regrets about the way the friendship ended.  My pride was the wall that I had built.  NO ONE was EVER going to hurt me again…not if I could help it.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  You had one time with me.  But God gave me no rest until I made things right, on my part, with my friend.  It wasn’t my place to make her apologize, God had to work in her life.  I was commanded to apologize for my part.

It’s been about 7 years since amends has been made between the two of us and do you know that it is still a struggle for me to not write people off?!?!  I don’t use the words ‘write people off’, I like “Redefining the nature of our association” a whole lot better…but I know that it is still wrong.  God is working on me…pray for me! 

 

My Apologies

I know that it has been a while since I have blogged…a lot has been going on.  I will TRY to write about the following topics:

• Final Thoughts
• My Birthday
• The BEST gift EVER
• Desperation

Forgive me if I don’t get to all of these…we are in the process of moving and I am 32 weeks pregnant!  Til then…have a good day!